Q: My partner of 15 years and I have decided to go all the way in our relationship! I am looking for a place where we can get started. I have no idea where to start or what to start with. Can I get some suggestions or an idea about what to do or where to begin?

A: The best recommendation I can make is to check out a great resource available on our web site: The Essential Guide to Gay & Lesbian Weddings. My daughter found it to be a huge help when she planned her ceremony with her partner. You might also begin by asking yourself these questions: Where do we want to have the ceremony? How many guests do we want to invite? What kind of a budget do we have to work with? What kind of ceremony fits us best? One of the most important things you can do early in the planning is to select and book a site for your ceremony and/or reception.

Q: How do I find wedding resources in my area? I need to find a florist and a photographer but I don’t feel like "coming out" to everyone!

A: You can check out our Wedding Directory to see if there are any vendors listed in your area. There are also other gay wedding directories on the web, which you can find through a search engine. As gay weddings have become a more popular, money-making venture for vendors many have become gay-friendly and will be open to your business, regardless of your sexual orientation.

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Getting Married

Q: My partner and I can’t wait to get married! Where can I go to tie the knot?

A: Ah, the $64,000 question! Residents of Massachusetts are excited that they can head down to City Hall to apply for an official marriage license. Some out-of-state couples have traveled (and plan to travel) to Massachusetts to get married, but there are restrictions on the books, which do not allow out-of-state couples to wed unless they intend to live in Massachusetts in the future. It is best to check with the Massachusetts officials before you go. Some couples have also gone to Canada (specifically: Ontario, British Columbia & Quebec) to get legally married. Finally, there is Vermont, where couples can get a license for a "Civil Union," which grants same sex couples some legal rights, but is not viewed as an equivalent of marriage. Non-locals who get a marriage or civil union license, however, generally find that the rights they would have in those areas are not transferable into their home states. In other words, a Massachusetts marriage license is not recognized in Virginia.

The best place to find information about the latest developments for gay marriage is at the Human Rights Campaign web site. Specifically, they have informative listings by state.

Remember, even though most state law ignores or legislates against marriage for same sex couples, you can still get married! Design your own commitment ceremony and have your union blessed and witnessed by your family, community, and minister or rabbi (if you belong to a religious community). The legal benefits of marriage notwithstanding, a union like that is just as powerful, if not more so, than the traditional heterosexual wedding.

Editor's note: Since this writing new laws have been added to the books in various states. For the most current information on marriage legislation, go to HRC's web site.

Q: My partner and I have found the perfect place for our wedding, but aren’t active in a religious community. How do we find someone to officiate our ceremony?

A: First, check our Wedding Directoryto see if someone in your area is listed. You can also use a web site search engine, like Google, to find someone by using keywords like: officiant, minister, rabbi, gay weddings, commitment ceremonies, etc. Some other gay wedding directories on the web may also have listings.

Q: I would like to marry my better half, but since this is not possible where we live, I want to do what we can to make it a union of our love and share it with our families and loved ones. What do you recommend?

A: Go for it!!! You might consider purchasing The Essential Guide to Gay & Lesbian Weddings from our web site to help get you started. It will be important for you to find the perfect location, to decide how many people you want to be there and who you’d like to ask to officiate your ceremony. My best advice is to have your ceremony reflect your relationship in its truest expression. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to be the center of attention for the day or weekend!

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Etiquette

Q: I have been invited to a gay wedding. What is expected of me? I work with one of the men and I wonder where I am to sit. Also, what type of gift is appropriate?

A: One of the neat things about gay weddings is that there really are no fixed "rules," per se. Many of our brides & grooms, however, have chosen to have ceremonies that reflect some of the more common traditions established by heterosexual couples so you can follow your gut and knowledge of etiquette, with a few exceptions for the happy couple!

My best guess is that your colleague has invited you because he respects you and wants you to help him celebrate his relationship and bear witness to the couple’s lifelong commitment to each other. That’s all you’ll need to do: show up and enjoy yourself!

If there is an usher, he (or she!) might ask you which groom you are with and direct you to sit on a particular side. Or, you may just find yourself gravitating to sit near any other colleagues who have been invited.

As for gifts: find out where the couple is registered (many are). Or, sometimes, couples choose to ask for donations in their names to non-profit groups that support causes they believe in. Once again, I recommend you trust your gut and get them something from the registry or something you know they’ll appreciate.

Q: My partner and I are planning a very small commitment ceremony. We are inviting about ten people. We are looking for something to announce the wedding to those we do not invite. Do you offer something like that?

A: Absolutely. We offer several fabulous, quality stationery lines, including Checkerboard's OutVite, Regency and Carlson Craft. All offer invitations (for all occasions), announcements, and thank you notes!

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About Our Products

Q: We were on your site looking at the cake toppers and would like to know if it's possible to get the fem-butch couple with a white tux. Also, is it possible to have the bride in the dress have red hair and the bride in the tux have blonde hair?

A: We have one of the most extensive gay wedding cake top set selections around! Check our cake top selection in our store and in our Carlson Craft store. If you want to do some customization, we recommend an artist we work with who will model the cake top after you! Her product is listed here.

Perhaps you’d instead be interested in our adorable customized "thank you" note cards, in which you can customize based on color & outfit preference, and even add your pets (and children if you have them!).

Q: Can you help me out on the different wedding styles? We are having a hard time trying to decide on the right style for us. I want a traditional formal and my girlfriend says that we should look at other options. Can you help me?

A: I recommend that you pick up a few wedding magazines (straight or gay) and flip through looking for ideas - style or theme - you both agree on. If you can first agree on the site you’d like for your ceremony and/or reception, you might find that this will also help you shape the style of your wedding. You might also look through our stationery lines and see what invitation styles you both agree on; you might find some hints toward a style upon which you both agree!

Q: Why do you have "Bride and Groom" listed on the Carlson Craft and Regency stationery order forms?

A: Regency and Carlson Craft have been very supportive of our company and its mission and they have been asking us for feedback and input on how they can improve their service to the gay and lesbian community. The bulk of their business, however, is tailored for the straight community and thus we have had to share some of their general forms. We ask that you remain patient; the industry will catch up with us soon!

If you want to work with a vendor that has all the language right, check out OutVite! from Checkerboard.

Q: Do you ship products outside the US?

A: We ship our invitation lines to any destination. We ship most items listed on our web site to Canada and other countries, too, but do reserve the right to determine our reasonable ability to ship to international destinations. In most cases, the stumbling block becomes credit card approval, as we need a verifiable address to get confirmation. You can, however, call us to make arrangements to pay using a money order or PayPal. Remember: international shipping fees can be expensive and/or time intensive so please plan accordingly and be ready to pay dues and fees upon receipt.

Want more? Check out our fabulous & regularly updated blog.

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